Today, we will talk about relationships. But, more importantly, the role of men in a relationship. We will cover things such as what is expected of men, what are they supposed to do, and how are men supposed to operate within the confines of a relationship. 

Wired To Be In Relationships One Way Or Another

As men, and generally humans as well, we are all wired to be in relationships in some form. We are not wired to be a gang of one. So, no matter how short-term, long-term, emotional, social, or community relationships, we are meant to be in relationships in one way or another. 

We are interdependent on one another. Therefore, understanding who we are is integral to the notion of understanding relationships with others. 

Is The Way Most Men Are Raised Detrimental To Relationships?

Most men, nowadays, are raised by single parents, mostly by their mothers. So, they aren’t growing up with a healthy understanding of relationships anyway. They aren’t exposed to seeing healthy, long-term, love relationships. So, they’re probably not schooled around trust, commitment, or emotions. 

The lack of schooling and exposure to healthy relationships leads to fear of getting into relationships and fear of failure. Since we don’t get to see these things, how do we know how to create a healthy relationship? How do we understand the role of men in a relationship? There are not enough men growing up with consistent love, or the example of what love looks like in a relationship. There’s a perpetuation of mistrust. 

How Do Men Improve Moving Forward? 

What can be seen as an obligation for men who are realizing where they’re falling behind is to make the passed on behaviors stop. No matter how much your father, uncles, or friends impose their thinking on you, it has to stop with you. This way, the future generation of yours will know a completely different understanding of love, relationships, and responsibilities. It is impertinent to break cycles in our generation. 

How Do Men Grow Into Unconditionally Loving Their Women? 

The biggest fear that we have is about putting it all out with a woman, and her not keep it all safe. And this leads to men not wanting to be vulnerable. This is mostly because men are taught that vulnerability is a weakness. However, this is not true. Instead, it is active humility. Being vulnerable as a man in a relationship means “I haven’t got all the answers, but I’m willing to work out the answers” which actually means that a man needs help being the person they want to be. 

Love by its very nature is others-centered. If it is self-centered, then you’re more of a narcissist; it is self-obsession. Love is supposed to be patient and kind. You’re supposed to go the extra mile when you’re in love. It doesn’t mean you’re trying to win someone over. But this isn’t an easy journey, love takes a lot of understanding. 

As humans, we’re all self-preservationists. We want to protect ourselves first before we protect others. It is natural to do so. But, by being on the journey of love, you get to mine your heart, ethic, value, and understanding of self. It shouldn’t be your woman’s love for you that changes you. Instead, it should be your love for your woman that changes you. Through this, you will know work together on your understanding of each other, and establish trust. 

You can easily understand during the start whether the person you’re with can be trusted. This is necessary because when one person is loving unconditionally and the other person is loving with self-preservation in mind, then the relationship might not work as well as you want it to. You will always be taking pigeon steps with each other. Yet unconditional love plays a key part in the role of men in a relationship.

Overcome The Self-Preservation Stage for a Man in Relationship 

You need to start working on how to have deeper and meaningful conversations with your partner. You need to have conversations beyond the superficial. This also brings us to the part where men think that they need to lead. But, as much as we want to lead, you should know that even women have the nature of leadership in their hearts. And, leadership has to do more with wisdom rather than the position. So how does leadership translates into the role of men in a relationship? What does it look like?

You’re going to be leading from all different positions; front, middle, sideways, and back. Leadership should be more about creating a space form emotional, physical, and spiritual safety. Leadership for a man shouldn’t be about where a man is positioned, it should be about where the family is positioned. It should be about the man and wife, the children come later on. Also, no matter how affluent or dominating family your wife comes from, once you give her that space, she will ultimately let you lead however you want. 

How Important Is It For Men To Understand Themselves?

If you’re not able to look at yourself and have honest conversations with yourself, then it will get difficult to understand your partner as well. If you’re not going to dig deeper and look at yourself, then it’s going to be difficult for you to love another person. This is mostly because they will never get to see you. They will only see certain aspects of that you want to expose, but nothing more. 

It is important to know what it takes to be you. This will help you give others a deeper understanding of who you are, and then it’ll be easier to work things out. This isn’t possible if you love in the dark. If you’re going to be asking the other person for everything and you’re walking in just as you are, then you’re selfish and self-centered.

Being a good man in a relationship means you’re humble, honest, willing to share, willing to teach and learn, and being able to create a space to grow. You’re supposed to come together as one with your woman rather than thinking of her as someone who’d be offering your compliments all the time. The biggest problem that men face is that they think that they are complete. But that is not true. You always have a lot of work to do on yourself. 

The Need For Communities

We need to create communities where the young ones ask because when they ask, they’re willing to learn. No one learns anything by enforcing the ideas onto them. It is important to help others learn how to break cycles and work on becoming better than what’s been present in generation over generation. 

One of the most pertinent issues is fatherlessness. Raising kids without the presence of a father is damaging. Parents need to be there together to be offering their children the right kind of exposure to work on their future. It is up to us to stop the way things have been going on. It up to us to stop the deep-rooted behaviours and learn to do better for future generations. 

Watch our full discussion on the topic here.