There’s a brother I know, and I remember trying to set him up with someone but his response was clear: “I’m busy building myself”. He didn’t ask any further questions, just talked about trying to secure his future. People always ask me what the secret is to find yourself. How do you uncover your purpose?

Well, here it is: this is what everyone should do before hopping on the bandwagon and getting into relationships. Take time to build yourself and you’ll have the clarity you need.

This isn’t entirely about being able to be with women. It is about you, where your head is at, and what you are all about. Take time out to find yourself, to invest in discovering your purpose. It will drive you and make you ask yourself what you truly want to do in your life. You can’t depend on others to figure this out for you.

Earlier, I would make poor choices based on my selfishness as I didn’t want to get hurt. I didn’t trust my choices when it came to women because of the things I went through when I was young. All this happened because I didn’t know what to do with my life; I didn’t know my purpose. It resulted in a concoction of dysfunction that took shape in the form of depression and suicidal thoughts. This continued until I had children. Only then did my focus turned towards them. But even then, I wasn’t aware of my purpose, and I made countless mistakes.

I had to take a sabbatical before I was ready to marry my wife. That time allowed me to focus on myself and nothing else. With some time and deep reflection, I finally got a clear vision of what I wanted to do. When I came out of my sabbatical, my purpose was clear as day. I wanted to do my own thing; I made phone calls, wrote 200 emails. Finally, I knew what I wanted to do, what I was called to do.

Do you feel you’ve invested enough time in finding yourself? Let me know in the comments below. 

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