For this episode, we will be focussing on what real manhood is and figuring out whether it still exists today. What do you think real manhood is? A lot of confusion exists regarding this term as people are unaware of the true meaning behind it.
Growing up, I had seven uncles, the majority of who had numerous children by a number of women. My own father also had multiple children by multiple women and I wasn’t to find out about my siblings until 2018. I didn’t have a father present, so my early examples of manhood are the examples my uncles and the men around me showed to me and I really looked up to these men. Therefore, the ultimate dream was to have many women around, because that’s what I saw and it was what was cool.
As I grew up, I made similar mistakes but then eventually things became slightly clearer. Now that I am a father, my perception has completely changed. My mission is to change the narrative that a lot of young men grow up with and show them the right way by setting the right examples.
What does it take to be a real man?
We all want to figure out this question of what is real manhood; and ultimately, it’s about understanding what it takes to be a real man. Most of the times, we tend to run away from our responsibilities rather than facing them and figuring out a solution. Being a father and husband isn’t an easy job and you have to make sure you are putting in the right efforts along the way. You need to be more focussed on working through these times and overcoming them rather than being stuck in the same situation without any progress.
Taking a look at the society today, there is a lot of stuff going on. I recently got to know that my 11-year-old son has anger management issues. While most people try to hide their issues, my kid has accepted that he has this issue and lives his life aware of the short temperament of this.
Knowing yourself is the first thing that you should be focussing on. This can help you come to terms with your abilities. When it comes to my son, he has the ability to fight with his fists that I don’t necessarily think is wrong. Mostly because it is important for men to fight for their family and hold the front.
All you need to learn is how to pick your fights rather than lashing out on someone for saying something.
Take care of your wife and loved ones
When I was a child, I saw one of my uncles beating up one of his children’s mothers. It felt wrong. That’s not how you’re supposed to behave with someone you love. You’re supposed to treat your woman like a queen. Open doors for them, protect them and care for them.
Once, a group of people laughed at the fact that I opened the door for my wife and waited till she sat down and shut the door. Questions like why are you doing this and can’t she open the door herself came up. I told them that it wasn’t that she couldn’t do these things, it’s because I wanted to, I love her and want to take care of her and show her that I care through my actions. You need to make them feel safe, it is important.
Provide for your family
This is a key point here, and it might be an old-fashion, or even controversial way of seeing things, but if we want to understand what is real manhood we can not ignore it. This is an essential part of being a man. Whether you have a job or not, you should be working towards a plan for providing for your family. You need to have a sense of responsibility and working towards a goal that is set for you and your family.
If you have a major plan, something you have always wanted to do, be consistent with it. Don’t stop working towards your goals. Whether there is money coming in or not, you have ambition and that will eventually lead to something.
Being a man is about following your dreams and being able to do something that you have always wanted to do without backing out.
Identify your purpose
Your purpose is something that God sets within you or comes to you in the shape of your dreams. It is important to follow them to meet your goals.
You must have a burning desire to do something in life. Everyone does. My burning desire around 10 years ago was to support deaf children as one of my daughters is deaf. Therefore, I took it upon myself to do something about it. Now, with her father’s support, she’s a confident dancer who knows what her purpose is and what she wants to do with her life.
You need to figure out what your purpose is and maintain your hard work to make your dreams come true.
Enable children to be victorious
You have a major part to play in your children’s lives and you need to make sure that you create leaders from your family to take on the world with a positive stride.
Every step you take shapes your children in a certain way. You can’t raise your boys passively. One thing that you need to do is let them make certain decisions on their own. Don’t be the parent and who runs down to the school every time there is a problem. Enable them to figure things out for themselves to a certain extent and teach them the values necessary to be victorious in life.
Don’t be focussed on solving any problem, allow them to go through the process of learning. Let your boys play around when they’re young, then shape them in a way that they become confident, victorious leaders. And this can only happen once they overcome their problems, as they will be able to manage the issues at hand.
Learn from your mistakes
Something that real men continuously do in their lifetime is going over their mistakes and learning from them. I am no perfect person, but I try to make sure that I learn from the mistakes that I have made in the past and be better.
The important thing to takeaway here is that you need to work on yourself every day to make sure that you are the best version of yourself. It’s also a very important element to mental health! You learn fro; your mistakes to be able to overcome the obstacles to come. Let’s learn to live our best-possible life and enable our children to follow suit.
Doing all of these things are difficult and don’t come easy. It is up to us to take the time out and understand where we went wrong and what our purpose is. It’s the beginning of the journey to understanding what is real manhood. Once we analyse this, we will be able to positively change our lives and of those who’ll come after us!